I Just Don’t Care About The New Dodge Charger

Just like in 1970, Dodge muscle has already hit its peak and is on the downslope from performance and styling glory. We already knew this when Tim Kuniskis showed off the Charger Daytona SRT Concept with its rather ridiculous styling and even more ridiculous fake V8 soundtrack. That right there was confirmation Dodge had jumped the shark and we were seeing the sun set on yet another period of American muscle glory.

Unhinged Dodge Charger girl takes breakup way too hard.

Sometimes it’s just best to have a clean break. Dodge has been busy trying to convince your mom that the Hornet is some performance crossover. It’s like seeing a favorite athlete who’s retired and now working as a dancing clown at kids’ parties.

But then Dodge tried getting everyone excited by “leaking” images of its new pre-production model we’re all pretty sure is the new Charger. People are getting all worked up over it because the thing only has two doors and doesn’t look as unfortunate as the weird aero elements on the Daytona SRT Concept.

But if I’m honest, while the car doesn’t look horrible, it’s also lacking the pizzaz and muscular lines I’ve thoroughly enjoyed with the Charger and Challenger. Sure, the rear haunches have a little bit of athleticism about them, but this could just as easily be some car made by Honda if you take the badging away.

What’s more, I just don’t really care. There’s no way this vehicle will be offered with a Hemi V8 and some supercharger with more displacement than your dumb neighbor’s Honda. Some people thought that was too much, but they didn’t get it – the ridiculous power and over-the-top styling was what made modern Mopars fun.

Now we’re getting something far more muted, like what happened to Dodge starting in 1971. By the 80s the Charger was a castrated hatchback. And so I can’t even care about this pre-production sneak peek. It’s going to be underpowered, overwhelming, and overpriced. Just look at what a Grand Wagoneer costs and you can laugh and then cry about what’s coming. Me, I’m going to be over here caring less.

Images via Dodge