When your ex left you on read and kept your hoodie, Bradenton Police Department has the perfect revenge plot. Their Valentine’s Day social‑media post, splashed in pink and decorated with heart‑shaped handcuffs, invites the broken‑hearted to call their non‑emergency line (941‑932‑9300) with the location of a former flame who has an outstanding warrant. The prize? A “Valentine’s Day visit,” a chauffeured ride in a squad car and a shiny pair of bracelets — the law‑enforcement kind. It’s like “The Bachelor,” except the roses are replaced with Miranda rights and nobody gets a fantasy suite.
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Bradenton isn’t alone in pitching this anti‑romantic gesture. Police departments everywhere are dunking on Cupid. In Texas, the Hutto Police Department’s flyer tells residents to “Turn Heartbreak Into Public Safety!” and promises a complimentary ride in a “sporty police vehicle” for wanted ex‑partners. Up in Pennsylvania, Sheriff James Custer posted a poem (“Roses are red, blue lights shine bright, got an ex with warrants? Let’s plan them a night”) and threw in “shiny silver bracelets” and an all‑inclusive stay at the county hotel. Kaplan, Louisiana, calls it “trading heartbreak for handcuffs.” Who needs Hallmark when you’ve got the county jail?
Bradenton’s effort comes under the watch of Chief Josh Cramer, a hometown officer who worked his way from patrolman to the top job. Promoted in July 2025, he’s the first chief in more than three decades to come from within the ranks, and he’s racked up enough service medals to rival Cupid’s quiver. It’s hard to imagine a better fit for a joke‑forward warrant roundup than someone who knows every street and every sense of humor in town.
Behind all the snark is a practical motive. Fayette County’s sheriff has said his office has hundreds of bench warrants outstanding, and Valentine’s Day posts have actually helped tipsters come forward. So if you’re holding onto more than a grudge this February, dial up Bradenton PD. Forget chocolates — nothing says closure like a bench warrant delivered via cruiser.
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