Image via Stellantis, Segway/Instagram
Stellantis, parent company of Dodge, Ram, and Jeep, used to be cool with Hellcats, TRXs, Trackhawks, Scat Packs, etc. in its product lineup. But the international automaker has taken an abrupt, perplexing turn towards buffoonery, recently announcing a partnership with Segway. And just like that, Dodge and the rest have become complete nerds.
A young social media influencer crashed his McLaren on livestream while on his phone.
We’re sure dozens of pocket protector-wearing enthusiasts will rush to their local Mopar dealership so they can grab the latest electric scooter or even the Segway go-kart since that’s much cooler than a 700-plus horsepower muscle car.
What a dumb business move that unfortunately is so typical in today’s auto industry. The press release announcing this catastrophe emphasizes the Segways are “electric mobility options.” Unless you live in Manhattan, Chicago, or a similar city, nobody is using these dumb toys to really get around.
“Segway’s electric transportation solutions perfectly complement Stellantis’ lineup of cars, trucks and SUVs by providing efficient options for short-distance commutes. The partnership with Mopar reflects our shared commitment to innovation and sustainability, ensuring that our customers enjoy safe, reliable and engaging mobility experiences every day,” said Tom Hebert, Vice President of Sales at Segway.
Yes, why doesn’t Lexus start selling Huffy bikes at its dealerships? Then Chevrolet can have a whole wing on its dealerships dedicated to Santa Cruz Skateboards. After all, those options are even greener for short distance personal transportation since they’re powered completely by the rider’s muscles.
Does Stellantis and Segway believe anyone is buying this line that a go-kart is being used by people for (checks notes) “short-distance commutes”? Maybe a few people use those scooters to get around, but for most people they’re useful for goofing off and maybe mowing down some innocent pedestrians.
And don’t even get us started on those annoying Ninebot self-balancing things you see mall cops riding like they’re the future of policing.
Stellantis is all over the place these days, like a ship that lost its rudder and anchor on a stormy sea. What’s Dodge about now that all the powerful V8s have been stripped away? Why is the Jeep Wrangler now a dog on the market when it used to be a force of nature? We could go on, but this whole Segway partnership is just a symptom of a larger, more disturbing issue.
We honestly don’t care if Stellantis drags the Italian and French brands it greedily gobbled up to the bottom of the ocean. But when it comes to Dodge, Ram, and Jeep we would like to see those return to their glory and provide us with useful vehicles, not just dumb playthings that run out of juice after an hour. Our fear is Stellantis is just going to mismanage those three into complete market irrelevance, refusing to acknowledge it doesn’t get what made them great in the first place.
But at least you can buy an electric go-kart at a Dodge dealership – what a joke!
Image via Stellantis, Segway/Instagram
