Mark Zuckerberg Has A Cayenne Minivan Abomination Made

The old saying that money can’t buy taste certainly applies to Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg having West Coast Customs create a Porsche Cayenne minivan. He took to his own social media platform to brag about The Thing That Should Not Be as if it were some cool accomplishment, adding fuel to the speculation he really is a lizard alien wearing human skin.

Celebrity chef Gordon Ramsay demonstrates superior automotive discernment.

Zuckerberg explains that his wife Priscila wanted a minivan, which was why he commissioned West Coast Customs to make a stretch version of the Cayenned and put sliding rear doors on it. You know, normal people just go buy a minivan and since Zuckerberg is loaded he could pop for a Toyota Sienna with every option to make his wife feel extra special.

But instead he decided to go through the lengthy process of buying a Cayenne, handing West Coast Customs a pallet of cash, then waiting as they vomited up the resulting build. Then he had to post it on Facebook for everyone to see because if it’s not posted on social media, it didn’t really matter, right?

Then for good measure, he bought a new Porsche 911 GT3 with a manual transmission wearing the same paint color as the Cayenne minivan. Zuckerberg calls the pair, which couldn’t look any different other than the hue and Porsche badge, as “his and hers” matching vehicles. Ugh.

Everyone knows ol’ Mark has suffered from a horrendous public image, from his weird water drinking habits in front of Congress to his creepy obsession with Sweet Baby Rays barbecue sauce. But it seems he’s hired a new publicist who’s counseled him to grow his hair out, wear black, and show off how he likes Porsches because he’s a cool guy.

But then he goes and has a Cayenne minivan built, undoing any benefit that other stuff might have had on his image. Builds like this should be considered an assault on good vehicle design and human decency.

Do better, Mark!

Images via Mark Zuckerberg/Facebook